Five years ago today, I abandoned my entire life as I knew it and moved to Maui. In the year before I moved, I had finished law school, was studying for the bar exam, and was working in a house of horrors for an insane attrorney.
I was so excited to go out and celebrate my Mauiversary that I couldn't sleep at all. At some point in the wee hours of the morning I did fall asleep briefly and had a dream that had me reeling all day.
In the dream, I was walking with my childhood bestfriend and we came upon a line of people waiting to meet this guy called the Pope.
When I got closer to him I saw that he was not the Pope, he was just some guy sitting on a blanket so I didn't want anything to do with him.
I began to walk around him when he reached out and put his hand on my chest looked me in the eye and said, "find healing in the legal system you used to work for."
That took my breath away. I gasped in my head and said to myself, "he knows."
Side note: I'm pretty sure that he also groped me. Figures.
I was pretty perturbed by his message when I woke up.
I HATE the legal field. It broke me. The legal field is why I ran screaming from the mainland five years ago.
This at a time when my family just received a shocking bill from a relative that is an attorney who is handling my Grandma's estate.
This at a time when there is currently a grizzly murder trial in progress on my sleepy little island that gave me nightmares when it first happened.
The accused is being defended by a man two people told me I should try and work for because he goes to their church. Sorry, I can't work for blood money.
This at a time when the whole world just witnessed two more black men killed by police who will never see the inside of a jail cell.
I'd love to.
At the last law office I worked at I damn near developed a flesh eating virus. (You can read about that here) Do you know how long it took just to heal my physical wounds after walking out of that office for the last time?
I still carry the psychic wounds. The fact that I got so infuriatingly triggered (emotional flashback) at the suggestion that I should find healing by the system that has traumatized me and left me in debt for life is proof of that.
I suppose that healing is necessary. This is going to take some serious contemplating. I'm open to suggestions.
In the meantime, I'm going to continue with my honu (sea turtle) therapy: