"Relationships don't exist. There is no such thing as a relationship. It's a complete figment of our imagination. It's a story. It's just an agreement." Bentinho Massaro
Oftentimes I get messages from readers telling me that I was able to put into words for them what they have been unable to explain themselves.
After listening to episode #4 of the Mirror Talks podcast with Bentinho Massaro I can say the same about him here. He explained what I have not been able to express so plainly. It's this: Relationships are ridiculous.
Can we please reexamine this whole fairytale story about love society seems so attached to??
Relationships are a social contract where if you agree to my demands then I'll show you love and I'll do the same for you but if you violate my rules (that you may or may not know about) then you're betraying me.
Do yourself a favor and take the shortcut to "happily ever after" by taking responsibility for your own happiness. It's an inside job!
Don't expect people, circumstances, and events to change for you to feel better, because none of them ever will.
It's no one's duty to make you happy, make you feel secure, or fulfill your needs. Don't expect other's to coddle your insecurities. This is personal work for you to take care of. Identify your triggers and deal with them, don't make your so-called loved ones accommodate them at the expense of their own freewill and wellbeing.
There are tools you can learn to modify your beliefs and the stories you tell yourself that cause all of your own misery. I recommend The Work by Byron Katie and her book, "I need your love, is it true?"
Here are some of the highlights from the podcast:
*A relationship is an agreement to limitation.*
What relationship isn't an agreement?
I agree not to do this and that if you agree not to do this and that. Because if you don't - if you stay within these perimeters and confines I've set up for you and you agree to, then I can continue to feel safe within my victim state and you can continue to feel safe.
No mater how much love you put towards these people with Victim Consciousness it's going to rebound against you as hatred and betrayal.
I love you but don't do this or that and don't feel that don't think this don't look over there because I own you and therefore I feel safe. If you agree to that I'm gonna love you. If you don't I'm going to be really upset at you.
We have so much attachment and romantic ideas about relationships as equaling love but how could it be love if I need you to restrict yourself in order for me to love you? All I'm in love with is that you make me feel safe. It's not love for another.
Using someone to not feel insecure doesn't sound like love. Relationships are anti-love. It's child play. Relationships are the very sign of spiritual immaturity.
I can agree to all kinds of nonsense and you can agree, under the name and banner of love to justify that I'm using you to not have to look at my sense of fundamental fear of being afraid to die, be left alone, etc. You're going to be the cover up of my insecurities. You're going to be my partner. We're going to be in a relationship. You're going to love me I'm going to love you and in that exchange I'm going to feel safe and I won't have to look at my insecurities. That's why we fear our partner leaving, cheating or dying because they are our cover up. They are the rug in which we shove underneath out insecurities. That's not love. It has nothing to do with love.
The way our society paints a real relationship is to stick to the hateful agreements that you've made of limiting each other. If you stick to those then you are the prime example of pure love.
We don't want to destroy that illusion of romanticizing relationship and agreements as being love. If we separate those concepts and see them for what they really are that relationships are, not love per se, but in fact most often they are the opposite. They are abuse. They are mutually agreed upon abuse of the other, usage of the other to not feel certain emotion within oneself. To me that's not love its an infringement upon free will. It's a basic violation of letting an entity be their own entity.
If your partner is truly inspired in a certain direction shouldn't they be allowed to. Is it love to not allow it? And to glorify when they sacrifice.
If the partner truly has an inspiration that feels like it's fundamental to their life if they have truly established love there would be no objection. There would be a natural generosity there. If it isn't there then you've been using each other as rugs to shove your insecurities under.
We've associated love with exclusivity or commitment to a particular paradigm, set of parameters, or limitations. If we follow that we idolize it as true love. And if we break free from that and follow our truer inspiration, or our purpose in life, a true beneficial connection with someone else then we call that lack of love.
Basically if you suppress your every human impulse and even spiritual expansion, keep yourself in a box and don't grow, don't learn, don't mature then you are praised in society as being pure. It's the impurest thing you can do to each other but we idolize in movies and so forth.
Relationships are ridiculous.
Relationships don't exist because ownership doesn't exist.