I hadn't had a job in what felt like eons. I was struggling trying to figure out what to do. I was desperately trying to figure out what my dream was.
I didn't know, but I knew what it wasn't - working for someone else. However, I felt tremendous stress and pressure to just do something.
After running from the legal field for so long, I ended up right back where I knew that I didn't want to be - a law office. I hate everything about the legal field.
Ironically, the night before my last day of freedom, er, my first day of work, I had the epiphany to create this website.
There were so many websites out there that described Indigos and how to identify one, but nothing out there on how to live as one.
Great, you're an Indigo, but now what?
I was brushing my teeth when I got the message in my head that I need to write the next step for Indigos.
I hadn't even lost my freedom yet, and I was already fighting like hell to get it back. #SignsYouAreAnIndigo
The domain name came to me weeks later while I was in the shower.
I usually write in my journal religiously, which is really helpful when trying to recall the horrid details of something like your first days at a new job.
However, for my first three days, my journal entries are just dated and say Fuck You. Well, actually day two says, "Fuck you all in Jesus' name. Amen."
I remember going home in tears twice the first week, and I was only working part-time. I knew that I should just quit, but I was sick and tired of never having money and sick of quitting every goddamn thing I do.
Why can't I just go to work like every other normal person?!
This was yet another boss that got off on belittling people and berating them for making any mistakes.
My boss had a very dark demeanor.
Asking questions seemed to trigger her. I would ask questions to try and prevent making any mistakes and she would shoot daggers at me and the whole room would feel like it was getting sucked into a black hole.
Like how dare I ask a question? What am I some kind of fucking moron?
My boss's evil glares and verbal assaults pierced my soul.
I lived in fear and in shock. I felt like I just wanted to throw up all of the time. I felt like I was locked in a cage without food or water.
The constant inner turmoil I was feeling started to show up on my skin. I was covered in bright pink welts from head to toe that itched and burned like there was no tomorrow. I couldn't scratch long enough or deep enough to obtain any relief.
I was in constant agony.
Any time my boss walked into the room my skin would flare up. I would feel hot. It never stopped. The burning was unbearable I was in so much pain that I just wanted a morphine drip.
My nervous system was shot. I was trembling daily. I couldn't sleep. I dreaded every interaction with my boss.
My skin was decomposing. The skin under my eyes was flaking off and burned like hell. I looked like the walking dead.
The skin on my nipples had shed off. They were an oozing mess. The ooze would dry and get stuck to my bra. Every time I took my bra off I had to yank it off risking that the last of what was left of my nipples would get ripped off with it.
Anyone I confided in with how badly I was struggling, told me to: just ignore my boss; not take the comments personally; take an antihistamine; take MDMA; and to just relax.
Brilliant. Why didn't I think of that?!
Go fuck yourselves!
Have you ever had to check and see whether or not your nipples have fallen off after getting off work?
YOU try to fucking relax!
I refuse to medicate myself in order to tolerate abuse and misery.
Finally, around the holidays, I had a few days off and my skin started healing. This was the first relief that I'd felt in months.
But it was short lived.
Not 10 minutes into my first day back at work, my boss was in my face in a craze yelling about needing to find some documents (a daily occurrence).
My skin immediately flared up again right then and there causing an internal hell fire that couldn't be extinguished.
This day was the rudest and most irate behavior I had experienced to date.
It turns out that these alleged documents she was looking for didn't even exist yet as my boss had failed to finish them in the first place.
That was the LAST fucking straw.
A few minutes later after her welcome back tirade, my boss tip-toed into my office she came up behind me and slid the documents onto my desk without saying a word.
I didn't budge. I didn't make eye contact. I was done.
My boss went back in her office and shut the door. She got on the phone and stayed on it for an hour.
I was fuming. My skin was boiling. I was chomping at the bit to go back there and quit.
I was waiting for the phone conversation to end, but it never did, and I know that was on purpose. There probably wasn't even anyone on the other end of the call.
I couldn't wait any longer so I sent my boss an email from my desk saying:
"I can no longer work here. I don't like the way you talk to me. These past three days I have been off my skin has showed real improvement. I wasn't here 10 minutes before I got barked at and now it feels like I have fire coursing through my body, once again. I can't do this anymore. I don't want to be here."
I clicked send and walked out the door.