It's New Years Day, and I have been siting on the couch for the last 10 hours with an ice pack on my head. Not because I had a wild New Years Eve. No, I was home alone watching The Walking Dead marathon completely sober.
I'm siting like this now because in the process of taking down my Christmas lights, I managed to bang the top of my head on a table.
I have a pretty high threshold for pain.
I've lived with chronic back pain as long as I can remember.
I didn't make a peep as an overzealous chiropractor nearly pulled me apart doing traction leaving me crippled for days.
I've been stung by jellyfish numerous times without ever alerting the lifeguards.
I've carried on conversations at the pool without letting on that I've just been stung by a bee - stinger sticking out of my hand, bleeding & starting to swell, twice now!
I walked around for weeks and even tried out for the volleyball team with a broken off sewing needle eye in my foot.
So when this bang on the head brought me to tears I started freaking out. As I'm Googling head injuries I start to get a metallic taste running down the inside of my cheeks.
My brain is probably bleeding. I'm starting to feel a little sick. I don't know what to do. I'm scared. This can't be the way I go out.
Do I have a concussion?
Everything I'm reading says - if in doubt, go to the hospital. How? I can't drive. I'm not going to call an ambulance. I'm not going to take a cab.
My head hurts.
This is America, when faced with a health scare you have to consider whether your sickness or injury is worth risking financial ruin and an opioid addiction.
I'm pissed that no other country, civilized or otherwise, puts you in this position.
I'm pissed that the medical solution for everything is to prescribe chemicals in which death is a side effect. This is as barbaric as bloodletting.
I've never been to the emergency room. I haven't had a primary physician in over 15 years. I don't know what to do.
I am aware that my panic is escalating so I took a GABA herbal supplement to calm my anxiety - which I regret because I'm getting drowsy and I don't know if it's from the pill or my brain injury. Fuck!
It's been 12 hours and my head is still killing me.
I just tried to take a shower and guess what?! I have no hot water!
WTF 2017?! You bitch!
What is this?! Why?! Is this a sign of what's to come? Looks like 2017 is a year of survival.
I have great misgivings about the next few months. I feel like we are on the precipice of radical change. Resistance seems futile.
I have this image in my head of Donald Trump as the Hulk just smashing things. I don't know what's to come.
If you haven't already done so, I would start making preparations. Whatever you think you're going to need to survive - get it. I've been storing water.
Fractured skull and all, I just heated up 6 gallons of water to take a shower with. This seems like a practice run for the days to come.